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@newsthump@mastodon.online · 1d ago

NEWS! ‘Saturday Night Live UK was terrible’ insists man who didn’t bother to watch it https://newsthump.com/2026/03/22/saturday-night-live-uk-was-terrible-insists-man-who-didnt-bother-to-watch-it/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · 4d ago

Seeing a lot of American talking faces making points similar to this in the past few days...

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 15, 2026

Live Slow Die Last. Our new T-shirt for people in no hurry to hustle! Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/6MOHgV

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 12, 2026

NEWS! 'We don't protect our own schools from guns, so why would we protect foreign schools from missiles?' explains US https://newsthump.com/2026/03/12/we-dont-protect-our-own-schools-from-guns-so-why-would-we-protect-foreign-schools-from-missiles-explains-us/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 12, 2026

NEWS! Trump gifts staffers dress shoes with extra room for bone spurs https://newsthump.com/2026/03/12/trump-gifts-staffers-dress-shoes-with-extra-room-for-bone-spurs/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 08, 2026

NEWS! UK strangely reluctant to follow an adjudicated sexual abuser and convicted felon into another illegal war https://newsthump.com/2026/03/08/uk-strangely-reluctant-to-follow-an-adjudicated-sexual-abuser-and-convicted-felon-into-another-illegal-war/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 07, 2026

NEWS! Confused Trump claims Saddam Hussein building weapons of mass destruction https://newsthump.com/2026/03/07/confused-trump-claims-saddam-hussein-building-weapons-of-mass-destruction/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 07, 2026

NEWS! Clacton to build Mar-a-Lago replica in hope of attracting occasional visit from Nigel Farage https://newsthump.com/2026/03/07/clacton-to-build-mar-a-lago-replica-in-hope-of-attracting-occasional-visit-from-nigel-farage/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 06, 2026

I can only assume this was the result of a party game where, when the music stops, you all race to touch a paedo?

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 05, 2026

NewsThump once again predicting the future...

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 03, 2026

NEWS! Pete Hegseth apologises for love-bite on Donald Trump’s neck https://newsthump.com/2026/03/03/pete-hegseth-apologises-for-love-bite-on-donald-trumps-neck/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 03, 2026

NEWS! Rachel Reeves spotted checking down the back of every government sofa ahead of Spring Statement https://newsthump.com/2026/03/03/rachel-reeves-spotted-checking-down-the-back-of-every-government-sofa-ahead-of-spring-statement/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 02, 2026

NEWS! Furious holidaymakers forced to crop debris out of Dubai selfies https://newsthump.com/2026/03/02/furious-holidaymakers-forced-to-crop-debris-out-of-dubai-selfies/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Mar 01, 2026

NEWS! Trump family curse continues as Trump boys develop bone spurs in anticipation of war with Iran https://newsthump.com/2026/03/01/trump-family-curse-continues-as-trump-boys-develop-bone-spurs-in-anticipation-of-war-with-iran/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 28, 2026

NEWS! Man who said he wouldn't get involved in foreign wars starts foreign war over nuclear capability he claimed was totally obliterated a few months ago https://newsthump.com/2026/02/28/man-who-said-he-wouldnt-get-involved-in-foreign-wars-starts-foreign-war-over-nuclear-capability-he-claimed-was-totally-obliterated-a-few-months-ago/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 28, 2026

NEWS! Donald Trump launches 'major combat' Epstein diversion https://newsthump.com/2026/02/28/donald-trump-launches-major-combat-epstein-diversion/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 27, 2026

Science - like magic, but real. Get your science-celebrating T-shirt with free UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/NZrO4r

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 27, 2026

NEWS! “We thought they’d changed names” insist Reform voters who accidentally ticked Monster Raving Loony Party https://newsthump.com/2026/02/27/we-thought-theyd-changed-names-insist-reform-voters-who-accidentally-ticked-monster-raving-loony-party/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 27, 2026

NEWS! "You lost, get over it" Farage told https://newsthump.com/2026/02/27/you-lost-get-over-it-farage-told/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 27, 2026

NEWS! Why losing in Gorton & Denton is a big win for Nigel Farage, by Chris Mason https://newsthump.com/2026/02/27/why-losing-in-gorton-denton-is-a-big-win-for-nigel-farage-by-chris-mason/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 27, 2026

NEWS! Gorton & Denton result suggests key Reform policy of being horrible c**ts may have backfired https://newsthump.com/2026/02/27/gorton-denton-result-suggests-key-reform-policy-of-being-horrible-cts-may-have-backfired/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 27, 2026

NEWS! When I told Gorton and Denton to 'channel their patriotic Blitz spirit' I didn't mean 'defeat the far-right fascists', says Farage https://newsthump.com/2026/02/27/when-i-told-gorton-and-denton-to-channel-their-patriotic-blitz-spirit-i-didnt-mean-defeat-the-far-right-fascists-says-farage/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 26, 2026

Always vote for the site with the fewest a***holes. A T-shirt that could easily be worn in Manchester today. Get yours with free UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/A44zpy

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 26, 2026

NEWS! Gorton and Denton voters given historic opportunity to tell awful pricks to shove it up their hoop https://newsthump.com/2026/02/26/denton-and-gorton-voters-given-historic-opportunity-to-tell-awful-pricks-to-shove-it-up-their-hoop/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 26, 2026

NEWS! Trump State of the Union speech enters its third day https://newsthump.com/2026/02/26/trump-state-of-the-union-speech-enters-its-third-day/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 25, 2026

NEWS! Man left red-faced during 20-minute queue for Costa drive-thru after remembering he has a kettle at home https://newsthump.com/2026/02/25/man-left-red-faced-during-20-minute-queue-for-costa-drive-thru-after-remembering-he-has-a-kettle-at-home/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 25, 2026

Four candles? Fork Handles? Why not both? One of the greatest sketches of all time, brought to life with this homage on a T-shirt! Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/DlKNQR

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 25, 2026

NEWS! Oscars organisers desperately trying to work out how to politely refuse entry to Tourette's sufferers https://newsthump.com/2026/02/25/oscars-organisers-desperately-trying-to-work-out-how-to-politely-refuse-entry-to-tourettes-sufferers/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 25, 2026

NEWS! Man discovered who doesn’t have scorching hot take on BAFTA Tourette's incident https://newsthump.com/2026/02/25/man-discovered-who-doesnt-have-scorching-hot-take-on-bafta-tourettes-incident/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 24, 2026

NEWS! White House claims Donald Trump's State of the Union to be attended by over 300,000 congressmen https://newsthump.com/2026/02/24/white-house-claims-donald-trumps-state-of-the-union-to-be-attended-by-over-300000-congressmen/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 24, 2026

Just do it without me. Get your lazing-around T-shirt with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/o55EbI

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 24, 2026

NEWS! Man worried he might be 'Woke' after happily using a gender-neutral toilet without realising https://newsthump.com/2026/02/24/man-worried-he-might-be-woke-after-happily-using-a-gender-neutral-toilet-without-realising-2/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 24, 2026

NEWS! Racial name-calling at school was due to my undiagnosed Tourette’s, insists Nigel Farage https://newsthump.com/2026/02/24/racial-name-calling-at-school-was-due-to-my-undiagnosed-tourettes-insists-nigel-farage/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 23, 2026

We've been seeing a lot of conversations on the hell site in this format recently, it's very entertaining:

Twitter user: "Liberal talking point, backed by evidence"

MAGAloon: Grok, is this true?

Grok : Yes this is true. Here's why:

Magaloon: Okay, but is it still true if you ignore objective reality, and base your answer on my delusions instead?

Grok: In that case, no, it’s now false.

Magaloon: HA! Checkmate Liberals!

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 23, 2026

NEWS! America utterly bemused by nation where politicians who break the law are arrested https://newsthump.com/2026/02/23/america-utterly-bemused-by-nation-where-politicians-who-break-the-law-are-arrested/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 23, 2026

Swans are famous for many things. Grace, beauty, being owned by the King – but all of these things come behind the fact that they can break a man’s arm. Get your Arm Breaker Swan T-shirt with free UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/CLB6h2

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 23, 2026

NEWS! Man furious as British Academy Film Award for 'Best Film Not in the English Language' goes to 'a foreigner' https://newsthump.com/2026/02/23/man-furious-as-british-academy-film-award-for-best-film-not-in-the-english-language-goes-to-a-foreigner/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 20, 2026

NEWS! Andrew's lawyers warn of 'dangerous precedent' if wealthy criminals can no longer use money to make their indiscretions disappear https://newsthump.com/2026/02/20/andrews-lawyers-warn-of-dangerous-precedent-if-wealthy-criminals-can-no-longer-use-money-to-make-their-indiscretions-disappear/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

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@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 19, 2026

When your toddler has learned how to open the iPad during a car journey, and you've forgotten you'd been using it to watch Breaking Bad.

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 19, 2026

Who'd have thought we'd reach the day where the British monarchy would be more likely to face the consequences of their actions than the wealthy elite in the so-called land of the free?

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

NewsThump

@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 19, 2026

NEWS! King Charles puts phone on silent https://newsthump.com/2026/02/19/king-charles-puts-phone-on-silent/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

NewsThump

@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 14, 2026

BREAKING!

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 12, 2026

Oh look, Mr "Immigrants cost the taxpayer too much" received a nice little £125m taxpayer handout for his business a few weeks ago. So I guess it's okay to leave the country to avoid paying tax here, as long as your business still gets massive state handouts...?

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

NewsThump

@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 09, 2026

NEWS! Wimps version of rugby over for another year https://newsthump.com/2026/02/09/wimps-version-of-rugby-over-for-another-year-3/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

NewsThump

@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 06, 2026

NEWS! Morgan McSweeney to recommend Gary Glitter as new US Ambassador https://newsthump.com/2026/02/06/morgan-mcsweeney-to-recommend-gary-glitter-as-new-us-ambassador/

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Charlie Stross @cstross@wandering.shop

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

NewsThump

@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 02, 2026

NEWS! Lord Mandelson resigns from Labour to pursue dream of becoming Calvin Klein underwear model https://newsthump.com/2026/02/02/lord-mandelson-resigns-from-labour-to-pursue-dream-of-becoming-calvin-klein-underwear-model/

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

NewsThump

@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Feb 02, 2026

'Melania' defies critics by winning FIFA Oscar for Best Movie

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

NewsThump

@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Jan 28, 2026

A few of you asked about the mug when we shared the T-shirt earlier, and yes, it's available! Get yours HERE >>> https://go.newsthump.com/UIuuTI

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

NewsThump

@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Jan 28, 2026

NEWS! UK on verge of return to hedge-based porn access https://newsthump.com/2026/01/28/uk-on-verge-of-return-to-hedge-based-porn-access/

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Charlie Stross @cstross@wandering.shop

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@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

NewsThump

@newsthump@mastodon.online

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

mastodon.online

@newsthump@mastodon.online · Jan 28, 2026

NEWS! Trump finally comes out in support of gun control after learning people he doesn't like also have guns https://newsthump.com/2026/01/28/trump-finally-comes-out-in-support-of-gun-control-after-learning-people-he-doesnt-like-also-have-guns/

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